I'm so sorry!!!

I was a lot sicker than usual this past week, even went to the hospital for a brief spell, and I didn't have a chance to blog on account of I was in a lot of pain and my body kept shutting me down, making me pass out. I'd try to fight it, but I was largely entirely unsuccessful and passed out at very awkward times, like in the middle of IMing or txting with someone, or even talking to peoples I'm pretty sure.. There was this really funny moment when I kept falling asleep in the middle of emailing a friend, and then I'd wake up and finish it, and then my internet connection would have timed out and I lost the whole thing haha. And repeated this process three or four times before I gave up. Oy vey I have that email memorized! Hahaha. I talked to the person later and told them  it all so it was ok.
Ach du liebre gott, I still hurt soo bad though. Its probably all the cold pressure. Theres been two to three feet of snow outside for a long time now, and we apparently have more on the way- My body is like a human barometer, I always say. One of our family friends who has Lyme is moving back to Taiwan where it is warmer, which is where her sister and neice (one of my best friends, she used to live here when she was a little child but when she was five she moved over to Taiwan, we've always kept in close touch) live- they actually switched homes, all those years ago, Stephanie (my friend)'s uncle moved here into her former house as he took hers. Her aunt had stayed in Taiwan with them, working and for a decade they lived apart but finally he had enough money to support  them both here and she came over. He worked for about two more years and then retired. Stephanie's aunt (Judy) spent most of her time outside in her garden, time in which she brought forth some of the most beautiful plants I have ever or tasted in my entire life! She truly has a gift there. But its probably also how she got bit, and she became infected with Lyme. Because of me and several others on the street, Tai (her husband) knew right away what to do and he took her to our doctor. We share a lot of information about what works and doesn't and I actually thought she was almost totally better. I'm sad that shes going back to Taiwan, especially for Tai. She just got her citizen ship here in the states, which shed been working towards soo hard, and Daddy pointed out that shes leaving right before its gonna get warmer here, because its almost spring! I think she may miss her sister though, and all her other family there. And there are all the hot springs in Taiwan.. apparently its a quite lovely place to be. I hope she gets better soon.
Oh my Lorddd.... The verdict just came back on the case against the police officers in New York City accused of sodomizing that poor man with a retractable nightstick and then the other two accused of covering it up, the guy had part of his INTESTINE removed!! He was so insanely injured does no one remember when he was in the hospital? Did his doctors not testify? Or was that "prejudicial"... I cant believe this I was so sure it was a slam dunk! Its so terrifying those crazies are back out on the street, and probably in full police-officer- force again now. ReDICulous. One of the police men even came forward and testified as to what he saw! But nooo, the defense convinced the jury that a group of police men were a lot more honest and believable than a former junky, juries are so prejudicial. I feel so so bad for the man who sued, he must feel absolutely terrified knowing that theyre out on the street and could very well retailiate and nothing would happen to them. Police so often get away with everything. I love reading true murder mysteries, or true crime books (Anne Rule is a great author!!) and I've read so many where the police man was the abusive husband and no one believed the woman, or he was the murderer and it took years to prove because he was thought to be like, man of the year or something. That very out spoken Reverend ahh what is his name... Hm I cant remember.. anyway he thinks the men are guilty too, and is speaking later tonight. (sorry for the brain fart, I wish I could remember his name. I know hes very Obama, which I'm sort of ehhh about but well every man (or woman) to their own oppinion)
sigh. I guess thats how it is with the policemen. There wasnt enough evidence and so they got off.. Now their guilt is a matter of oppinion. Its the DA's fault that the case went to trial, it shouldnt have. They should have gathered enough evidence. I sort of hope that man who was abused moves out of NYC. I think that would be safest for him.
My room smells so sweet. Liiike, two dozen roses :) I am letting them all dry, hanging them over the circle that supports this big mesh net that goes all over my bed and walls.. kind of engulfing me...All my yellow ones dried. For valentines day Daddy got me a dozen yellow roses cos they're my fayyvoriite, and Mommy he got six pink and six red roses, which she deeply enjoyed. Some of them dried, but I hadnt gotten to all of them until just today the last of the pinks and reds are finishing up, along with all the greenery and one of the babies' breaths. The other one dried so well. I spray them down with hairspray when I'm done, and then they drip dry, and they they stay perfect! Its amazing. I love roses so much. Especially my yellow ones hehe. I took a couple cute pictures of twiggy smelling the roses. She seems to like yellow roses best too. They all smell different, the different colors.
Hehehe Twiggy is laying in the hallway where she can keep an eye on me. I swear shes my angel! She is always monitoring me, even when I dont know it, and ready to rush in with a kiss or a snuggle at just the right moment. I especially enjoy her "are you okays" in that beautiful inquistive voice. Her voice imitates the exact ups and downs of our voices when we say to someone in a real concerned manner "ohh are you okayy??" its almost like she says it for real its incredible. When I tell her I'm fine shes instantly calmer, (I say "I'm ok, Mommy's okay, thanks hon!") Did I write about the time she was cuddling me, and she stood up at one point and I thought she was going to leave and I prayed she would stay and she instantly swung around and stared at me. And it was so powerful I just froze under those firy golden orbs. And she just leaned down and kissed my nose, and  this electricity passed between the two of us but she didnt pull back like she usually did. And then she just turned and laid back down! I was still a little shocked, and realized I was tearing up a bit. I still dont know why, I just felt this.. presence I've never felt before, or if I have I certainly dont remember it. Halfway through the night I woke up and she was staring at me, just eyes half open, resting peacefully and keeping watch on me. I hadnt moved, just opened my eyes, so I knew I had not disturbed her and that she had been watching me for a while. It makes me feel very warm inside to feel that there is someone who loves me so much.. And as my father pointed out needs me so much as well. She comes and runs and jumps in my arms and huddles there while people are vaccuuming, or if the blender is going, or something loud in general that frightens her and sends her into my arms. She rubs her face on me the whole time I hold her, and I get so happy when she goes from shivering to relaxed and purring. She is so wonderful, so amazing to me.
OK something realllly important just came in the mail, I'll tell y'll what it is laters. Thanks, sorry again about not blogging for so long =x
@>--->------Jenny

I Got Out!

Finnnnally, I escaped from this tiny little (not so dingy but sort of messy at the moment) dungeon that has become my room, and gotten a chance to get out of the house! My father finally installed yellow lights throughout the entire house so that I would not get burned, so I have been able to move around my own home more comfortably as well... Though it almost feels odd to do so because I'm not used to it. I'm delighted to get used to it though.
Tonight I needed an escape- Daddy and I were discussing my art business, and I was getting upset and I just needed an out. So mom took me on a drive around 11:30pm, and we went to Applebees. The lighting is fairly dim in there, and they have colored lamps. Even though the bulbs are on the bottom, they arent really all that white but more of a yellow in hue, yellow enough that I could last a through dinner comfortably. 9
Well, it was more of a desert. We got a booth by the window (actually we MOVED our stuff, there was hardly anyone there that time of night so the place was empty. She put us in seats across from a plushy booth, and the hard seats would have hurt me after very long. So Mom asked if I wanted to move and we did. They didnt mind) where we could see the snow... I love the smell of the crisp snow. Haha we got a foot recently and are getting about another foot in a day or so. I was so excited to be outside before it had melted that as I walked to the car I kept leaning on my cane and pressing a shoe in the snow to hear it crunch beneath my foot (mom wouldnt let me walk through it it was too deep and I hadnt worn boots haha). I did the same thing on the way out of the car on the way home, I'm such a little kid. Mom said she didnt know what "snow" smelled like, it just all smelled like winter to her. But to me snow has a distinct smell. Mom's scent glands are well.. fading though, She'll say it herself. Mine have been made stronger by Lyme hers weaker. (And perhaps age too, who knows, I think its Lyme though.) But I digress.
We ordered drinks first. I got an iced tea, unsweetened no lemon, and Mom had lemon and seltzer. Her throat has been bothering her lately because of all the heat we have had to have on due to the snow.. All the dry hot air is terrible for the sinuses. My own are very,, runny at the moment, I keep blowing my nose. I hattteee people that sniffle. The mucus goes right down their throat. I can always almost taste it when they sniffle. It makes me shiver. My daddys' a sniffler. I'm always scolding him, especially since he carries around a hankercheif all the time haha. Of course, I dont hate my daddy :)
For food I asked if I could have french onion soup. It was Mom's idea- I was having trouble finding something that looked good on the menu that didnt have meat in it. The waiter came back though and said they had literally justt sent out the last of it. It was ok. I'm sure it couldnt have beat my momma's. Mom said she was glad she wasnt hungry- French onion is her favorite and she would have been so disappointed haha. They suggested the tomato basil soup instead and I went with it. Also Mom and I got a triple dark chocolate hot fudge cake, with a scoop of ice cream to the side. The plate was done so artistically. The cake was like a volcano when you cut into it, with a pillar of molten fudge cutting through the center and pooling at the top. It was one of the most evil and delish things I've ever eaten in my entire life, and I throughly plan on going back and ordering it again sometime- I highly reccomend it. I wish I knew its proper name. I'm too lazy to look it up, I'm just describing it haha. Words dont do it justice. It was an orgasm for the tongue. Mom said Dad would be disappointed in us for eating all that chocolate (as she scooped up some excess fudge with her spoon off the plate) and I informed her that we would just have to tell him we were women and that is what women do: Embrace chocolate. Especially during Valentine's Day week! Hahaha. Oooh I must buy myself a box later this week to devour Sunday hahaha. (And of course give Mom the caramel square, since it's her favorite)
The soup was well, ok. It sort of tasted like Campbells, but with all the spices it made it thicker and tasted similar to my mothers homemade tomato sauce. I had them pack it up to take home- To pour over some spagetti. Just cause I didnt like it in one format doesnt mean I should waste all that good money Mom was so generous to spend on me. Mom thought it was a clever idea. Though she thought I should have picked off the croutons before pouring it into the new container, because now they will get all soggy and be crouton mush XD hahaha.
I guess that makes it even thicker, like a stew? lolol. It was good, I just was full from the cake I suppose. I sort of want some more now, but am hesitant to get up and walk all the way across the house and get some. There are still white lights in the refridge, and Mom is sleeping downstairs on the big couch in the family room since when we got home Daddy was out cold and she didnt want to wake him. Also she was going to read a bit before bed, cos shes not really tired, but she doesnt want to stay with me since I tend to stay up a bit later than she preffers haha. And also the tap-tapping drives her mad, when shes trying to sleep and I'm doing this right next to her :x
We got in the parking lot at twelve thirty, after realizing we were the last ones there. We hadnt realized the time until we got in the car I dont think; We were impressed they didnt kick us out. They didnt even put up the chairs in our area, though they did in others. It was very nice of them. Our waiter was nice too, though he kept looking down my cleavage I'm pretty sure I caught him once or twice. I kept having to pull up my top. I used to love wearing this shirt and it's so tight across my chest now that I've gained weight! I actually dont think I've worn it in quite some time. It makes me look like that country singer, whats her name, Dolly Parton hahaha. Not quite as blonde though, and with a lott less makeup. I like her.. She has a pretty voice. And shes aged so nicely, with.. hm I'm not sure if shes ever had plastic surgery I dont thiink so. I know she was never y'know, enhanced, I was talking about her face. Though I suppose boobs to change too after one ages, with sagging and all. But Lord I hope I can be in as good of shape as she is when I'm her age! And as active.. (The figure and the activeness probably go hand in hand hehe)

I'm gonna go, I have to go read an email from a friend in college- I hardly get to talk to her anymore, I miss her soooo much. She's my very best friend, my, hm, second oldest friend, I met her when I was seven and we've been so close since. I cant wait to read what she has to say. And also I missed an episode of "CSI Miami" tonight, which was supposed to be some really unique and cool episode where a dude got offed in space, so I gotta go to Fancast.com and watch that. They have tons of free shows and movies -old andd new, there.. and one doesnt even have to join anything to view them all. Its awesome. They have more stuff than that, but thats all I go on it for.
Anyway, take care all.
Peace
@>--->------ Jenny

Apraxia- Equivalent of Brain Fog?

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days. My seizures are getting worse. Far worse than I'd hoped they'd get. Every couple words I find myself backing up and deleting because I keep messing up multiple times because my hands just plain won't do what my brain tells it to. My family and others I find can get frusturate with me... well except for two of my friends, who are very patient with me and Amaaazing. My family is getting wonderful at getting not so frusturated, and putting up with me. I guess time is just teaching everyone how to handle this whole thing right. It was hard at first, but we all think its a lot easier now, i believe.
A lot of "Lymies" call this whole thing "brain fog" or "lyme fog". What That always drove me secretly NUTS because of the unscientific sounding nature of the term and my fear of not being taken seriously when trying to describe my difficulty. People always take you much more seriously if you have a fancy Greek name attached to your sickness, rather than something stupid, like "lyme fog". Blechh.
Well very recently one of my friends sent me the name of something he thought I really should check out called Apraxia. When I did, I was delighted (thank you Jonathan Harper!), it sounded exactttly like me, every last symptom:
Apraxia is a neurological disorder characterized by loss of the ability to execute or carry out learned purposeful movements, despite having the desire and the physical ability to perform the movements. It is a disorder of motor planning which may be acquired or developmental, but may not be caused by incoordination, sensory loss, or failure to comprehend simple commands (which can be tested by asking the person to recognize the correct movement from a series). Apraxia should not be confused with aphasia, an inability to produce and/or comprehend language, abulia, the lack of desire to carry out an action, or allochiria, in which patients perceive stimuli to one side of the body as occurring on the other.
The root word of apraxia is praxis, Greek for an act, work, or deed. It is preceded by a privative a, meaning without.
There are several types of apraxia including:

• ideomotor (inability to carry out a motor command, for example, "act as if you are brushing your teeth" or "salute") - the form most frequently encountered by physicians,
  
  • limb apraxia when movements of the arms and legs are involved,
  • nonverbal-oral or buccofacial (inability to carry out facial movements on command, e.g., lick lips, whistle, cough, or wink),
• ideational (inability to create a plan for or idea of a specific movement, for example, "pick up this pen and write down your name"),
• limb-kinetic (inability to make fine, precise movements with a limb),
• verbal (difficulty planning the movements necessary for speech), also known as Apraxia of Speech (see below)
• constructional (inability to draw or construct simple configurations), such as intersecting pentagons,
• oculomotor (difficulty moving the eye, especially with saccade movements)

Each type may be tested at decreasing levels of complexity; if the person tested fails to execute the commands, you can make the movement yourself and ask that the person mimic it, or you can even give them a real object (like a tooth brush) and ask them to use it.
Apraxia may be accompanied by a language disorder called aphasia.

[edit] Apraxia of speech

Symptoms of Acquired Apraxia of Speech (AOS) and Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) include inconsistent articulatory errors, groping oral movements to locate the correct articulatory position, and increasing errors with increasing word and phrase length. AOS often co-occurs with Oral Apraxia (during both speech and non-speech movements) and Limb Apraxia.
Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) presents in children who have no evidence of difficulty with strength or range of motion of the articulators, but are unable to execute speech movements because of motor planning and coordination problems. This is not to be confused with phonological impairments in children with normal coordination of the articulators during speech.
Acquired apraxia of speech involves the loss of previously acquired speech levels. It occurs in both children and adults who have (prior to the onset of apraxia) acquired some level of speaking ability. Unlike Childhood Apraxia of Speech, AOS is typically the result of a stroke, tumor, or other known neurological illness or injury.

[edit] Causes

Ideomotor apraxia is almost always caused by lesions in the language-dominant (usually left) hemisphere of the brain, and as such these patients often have concomitant aphasia, especially of the Broca or conduction type. Left-side ideomotor apraxia may be caused by a lesion of the anterior corpus callosum.
Ideational apraxia is commonly associated with confusion states and dementia.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apraxia)It turned out my mom had even looked it up in a medical dictionary when I told her about it, I was slightly peeved she hadnt said anything. Jon said he thought this was all really onset by my seizures, and I agree. My seizures started when I was around fourteen, and thats around the time the confusion started, though then "mild" was well, a "mild" way of describing it haha. I.. Literally have every one of those symptoms. Sometimes my eyes are stuck straight, and I cant move them, and people are like "wtf are you staring at?" and I'm just like "nothing, nothing"... but I cant stop, and I cant make my brain explain whats wrong. I've had to have my father help me up onto the bed when I cant make my leg lift more than halfway, when it moved perfectly fine earlier. I couldnt draw or do my nails for a whole year because it was so severe, the part of the apraxia that affected my motor ability. I often cant make my hands type what I want here and have to go back and its terribly frusturate. I used to be able to speed type. A handwriting expert would never be able to tell whose handwriting mine is because its changed so many times, and was fairly messy for quite a while. Now its much more... well the most uniform its ever been because I go soooo slow and every movement and stroke is so carefully thought out. Yet still there are often crossing-out marks.
I know the damage to my brain is permanent. Reading that... if that IS the equivalent of whatever the heck "brain fog" is, just confirms that belief. I'm just scared because these seizures are now multiple times a day, daily. Even now, I feel the pain of one that I had earlier. Sigh.
Twiggy helps take my mind off it all. She is sleeping right next to me now, her lower "bunk bed" is the same height as my bed. (I got them a pretty fancy cat bed, I described it in an old post heh) She never used to sleep in the bottom, well rarely, but I dont think she ever did overnight just perhaps for daytime naps and to cuddle me; but since we put a blanket on the "top bunk" whose side drapes down tenting the lower bunk she looooves it. She loves boxes, forts, tents, the like. I was the exact same way as a kid. I remember falling asleep in a tent of couch cushions several times.... along with a gazillion stuffed animals hahaha. This is definately the first time shes slept there all night long. I like it because its easier to snuggle her. She usually sleeps on the top bunk or the big seventies style chair pulled next to my bed. Either way shes very close, but shes closest this way <3 Shes my baby after all, and I love cuddling her. It sort of makes the whole world feel better.
Shes curled on her back, sort of on her side facing away from me at the moment. I'm going to go snuggle her some more :)
Take care everyone
@>--->------Jenny

Shame on Michelle

Its hard enough to grow up the face of a nation, with cameras constantly in ones face. But for the daughters of Barack and Michelle Obama, lately life has a reason to be especially hard.
As we all know, Sasha and Malia, especially Malia, are entering puberty. And its sort of well, natural to pudge up some during that time, especially for women. However according to her doctor... According the the girls' own MOTHER, Michelle, the daughters were at risk of being overweight, as Michelle is quoted saying here, in this controversial article:
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/is-it-okay-to-talk-about-your-daughters-weight-if-it-s-for-the-national-good-579635/?posted=1#postcomment
I was appalled. They show a picture of Malia here, and she looks thin as ever! And it would be one thing if her parents were to set their children up eating healthy at home anyway; Theres no harm in that and Mrs. Obama is a big promoter of healthy living, but to announce your child's weight on television.. in a negative light of all things... is setting them up for emotional trouble, because now everyone at their school, that boy they have a crush on.. knows they feel "fat". And they could very well develop an eating disorder!
I used to have one.. Around Malia's age. Its a tough time in life. Kids are mean! And what our President's wife said was just downright insensitive. Personally, I hope she went home and apologized, though I hope she doesnt publically as it would just draw more attention to an already likely petrified young girl.
I just really hope it doesnt mess Malia.. and Sasha even... as much as I think it may.
And as my mother said, the Obamas' need to get their daughters a new doctor because they are just damn fine. Its unhealthy to be stick thin.. there is a balance, and those girls are already pretty skinny. Theyve been skinny their whole lives and now as they get their womanly figure Mrs. Obama calls that obesity?
I call that stupidity.... ahhh.... *shakes head*.
I'm gonna end this before I say something about the president I shouldnt. Our freedom of speech is so blurred who knows what one can say anymore, and Obamas been taking away so many of our liberties, I dont know if critcizing his wife would could as a felony (haha dark humor)
Talk to you all laters!
and note****: it isnt polite to say a woman's weight hahaha
@>--->------ Jenny

And I Feel Fine

No one ever wants to hear when someone doesnt feel well. I learned that fast, despite peoples constant asking how I was doing. "Im ok". Thats all they wish to hear. Sickness is an awkward conversational topic, and people dont know how to deal with it.
So the crappy thing is, I deal with it by myself.
I wish there was one person who would just understand every-which way I felt. There isnt, really though. Not unless you could fine someone with the exact same similar diseases, or similar symptoms with their disease, and my combination is pretty "special". I feel like I whine when I talk about it all to "normal" people, and by doing so alienate them from me. I push people away my father says.
My aunt tells me when I speak to her to only speak about the happy things in life. To perhaps water-down what I tell people about my life because it truth be told isnt so pleasant. I wonder why she honestly asks if she critcises me every time for telling her what goes on. It doesnt make me feel very nice. I've gotten to where I dont enjoy speaking to her at all, though I know she probably says it with decent intentions in her heart.
Boyfriends- they seem to never believe me at first when I claim to be as sick as I am. Like its impossible. And of course I'm always trying to be my best around them, so they often do not see me at my worst until the relationship has gone on a bit and Ive felt more at ease, more trusting, more...safe being my sick self. So when I allow myself to fall back a bit and take it easy (so I'm not always collapsing after they leave) they usually just go "ohmyGod, thiss is what she meant when she said she was ill? eww i cant handle thiss." then they poof. Friends are a bit better, but when I cant go outside always or go places they kind of get fed up with always doing the same old things with me at my house. I cant help being boring. I sort of like it. I never was a party-person. I actually dont think Im very boring, but some people think if theres no loud music or alcohol it automatically is.
Back when I was healthy, we would run around outside, me and my friends, all over my backyard and  the playground at the school nearby. Manhunt, and roasting various edible things (and non edible, we were pyros hahaha) over my dad's fire pit in the backyard.. laying in the hammock.. We got a hottub out there recently though I havent the strenght to go in it much. Its huge, fits 7 people at least, and has one reclining part. Its made so big so I could do physical therapy in it, though I havent the chance. We're considering encasing the entire back deck and hottub in glass coated in that special material that would filter out the rays from the sun that harm me so I could even go out in the day... though night is a lot more fun cos I can go bathsuit-less and not be afraid of the neighbors seeing me hahaha. Also now in the winter, when one gets out the suit especially tends to immediately catch the cold air and cling to the body, where as nude one can merely throw on a thick robe and run for the cover of the kitchen. Moms always good to leave towels on the kitchen floor so I dont slip and fall on that tile. Then I either hop into bed or a hot bath. I cant wait til Im stronger and can use it more..
I will admit, I'm not having the best day. I got slightly burned last night by a light on dim (that was still white) so it just took longer for me to feel the effects of the burn and now I hurt all over. I preffer the brighter lights so I can recoil quickly. Mom thinks cloudy days are better for me, but theyre more dangerous because of the same thing. I dont feel the burn so I stay out longer and get burnt. But she said before "yeah but you can stay out longer though".... She just doesnt get it. Oh well. She at least admitted it was snowy out today and the reflection of that was very dangerous, I'm glad she conceded to that.

Some new glass houses she got came just now. We had little winter ones to go on the counter, but now these are spring design. The bucket in the tiny wishing well even sways! I'm gonna go help her, I'm kind of interested. I'll see if I cant save Twiggy the box too, shes hovering around hopeful haha =]
take care loves!
@>--->------ Jenny

Things That Bug Me

Porphyria is apparently a very very rare disease. But lately I have been hearing a heck of a lot about it. Several days ago there was an "Law and Order, SVU" show where the killer was a really disgusting porph who I'd hate to run into (though thankfully for the sake of all mankind was castrated and killed before the end of the show..something I think I mentioned in an earlier blog)
Well now "CSI, Miami" is bringing out the porphs as their killers. "Castle", the show that helped me figure out and later diagnose my own Porphyria, also featured the character who played a porph in a negative light- a deranged suspect (who at least on this show wasnt the killer.) How come we're always the bad guys? It seems to play off the "vampire-creepy" aspect a bit, but Id like to see just one show where we were portrayed decently. "Castle" doesnt count, because the person who was afflicted with Porphyria there had such a strong degree of hallucinations he really did believe himself vampire, and though yeah we hallucinate REALLYYY badly, I dont think we're all that extreme which is how it was portrayed- Porphyria along the lines of schizophrenia with the twist of an extreme sunlight allergy. Perhaps some porphs are like this and I just havent met them yet; Heck I havent met any porphs. I wish I will.. I would love to meet someone who could understand what I go through.
Thats sort of how I was able to understand why the killer-porph in "CSI, Miami" did what he did. Of course, I thought it extreme and an over the top way of stating his point, especially in a world when the points of people trying to make them arent even gotten anyway and the world just focuses in on the act themselves. This poor porph developed a late-onset form of Porphyria that came about during his adulthood, after hed already been used to living a full life in the sun. He went mad in his apartment, and took to spying on people who actually had their lives intact... or could go out unharmed in the day, I mean. He was appalled at what he witnessed, people "wasting" their lives away, and took to killing those who in his oppinion didnt value the treasure that was life itself.
I just bitch these people out.. Murder seems a tad over-the-top to me. Plus I dont think they will be as accomodating to my needs of colored lighting and covered windows in jail.
It is despicable to me how people throw their lives away. I have a friend who has Lyme, yet insists on going out and getting drunk every couple nights, further destroying a liver already probably getting decimated by long term antibiotics that are essential to saving his life... After all you can always get a new liver, you cant get a new body, as I told one doctor once who was against long-term Lyme treatment. However the process doesnt need to be sped up; perhaps a transplant doesnt take? Or there is no suitable donor? Are these not things to consider before one drowns ones organs??
I know several people who even admitted to me (actually more than several cos its three) that they thought they had Lyme but they refused to get tested. It was almost as if they enjoyed being unable to work (which I'm sure two of them did) and the sympathy that they tried to eek from their position. Which positively disgusts me.. It was just like when I knew this woman who had cancer- a small bit, but she was going for chemo to blast the last of it. I said since it was small to go to some alternative doctors, try rife machines, etc. there are lots of alternative medicines that actually work (generally from overseas but are coming to the US, and luckily primarily in the NYC/PA area where we live) but she just sort of looked at me and said no... she thought that stuff was great for some people but she was going to stick  with her chemo. After which she went on another tangent about how horrid it made her feel. Which made me kind of go "auuugh" inside: If you think the stuff works, try it and stop your complaining woman!!!
People can be so demented, and its disgusting how a longingness for sympathy or lazyness can allow them to actually actively let themselves sink into a slow.. well suicide. Because that is what it is if you know there is a problem and refuse to do anything. I sort of am afraid this lazyness and like for sympathy will be the death of one of my aunts, who several of the family is SURE has Lyme, and was even bit by a tick and got a ring years ago (and you have to have Lyme to get the ring, its a LYME RASH, hello.) My uncle, her husband, was even positively diagnosed by a test with a forty percent accuracy rate.. which means he had to be prettyyy ill. Which he is. When a test that even isnt a damn test, something never meant to BE a test, let alone test for this, was used and duh it came up negative because it wasnt a proper test, he now thinks he does NOT have Lyme, though he has no idea what is wrong with him. However, since the doctor gave him antibiotics for a decent amount of time when they believed him to have Lyme, hes temporarily feeling better, heightening his denial. I keep saying, as does my mother, when they get out of his system he will feel even worse than before. He had the tail of the spirocete- Band 41 on his Western Blot (which is a really crappy test because it has a 60 percent false negative rate) and people who have failed that test merely because they have had one band- you have to have five according to their standards, and they throw one out because of a 1980s vaccine that made people sick with Lyme... a band I had though  I was never alive during the nineteen-eighties, and thus I only had four bands on MY Western Blot(s) and failed every time- anyway people with only that one band have wound up fully paralyzed before theyve received treatment because of this crap test. I certainly have Lyme, because I was also fully paralyzed (oh and guess what! had band 41!) Unable to speak, eat, go to the bathroom- Mom changed my diapers- or even barely breathe or swallow my own spit. I was a blob. And now I am blogging. I am much better. Last night I was on the floor playing with my cat in the living room. But two years ago, when treatment was first started, I was on deaths doorstep. And I have the itching feeling thats what its going to take for my aunt and uncle to see a real Lyme specialist, which makes me both saddened and truthfully... disgusted, since they know everything thats happened to me and my mother has sent them so much information.
I apologize for not writing yesterday. I was going to, but I collapsed asleep after hours of working on a pen-and-ink on rice paper. Its really nice and large, and very detailed. I shall post a picture probably later today or tomorrow depending on when I finish the last details.
Take care everyone- Good morning to the norms, Good night to the porphs*
@>--->------ Jenny

A Perfect Union

Is the name of an add in my Herbal Magazine, from MountainRoseHerbs.com. The add was just too fantastic to pass by... I've always been amazed with Herbal teas my whole life, especially the healthy, greens; the dried unfermented kind (unlike their sometimes more potent yet always unhealthier black tea cousins).

This add was essentially a compatibility chart, comparing peoples personalities to the teas that they drank. I decided to share it, it was just too delicious to pass by.
MANGO CEYLON: Those with dark inclinations and a lust for the mysterious will pair well with this aromatic cup. This perfumed, velvety brew enjoys a partner with a heavy palate, forceful nature, and determined spirit. Those with delicate constitutions need not sip this enchanted tea.
FIREFLY CHAI: This inspired amber fusion is looking for someone who soars to great heights with zeal and ambition. Someone who is daring and never misses an opportunity to acheive big dreams! If you truely believe anything is possible, this charmed cup is destined for you.
CHAMOMILE: This peaceful tea is looking for a steady partner who enjoys the delights of domestic tranquility. If you enjoy an evening of classical music amongst the sputtering flames of a fireside, than this tea would make the perfect companion.
JASMINE PEARLS: This graceful tea is best suited to those with an eye for elegance and a taste for grandeur. If your perfect day includes perusing art from the worlds finest galleries, than certainly count on this exquisite cup to be a sophisticated partner.
HIBISCUS HIGH: If you embrace your inner child with open arms and find yourself climbing trees and making cardboard forts in the backyard, this tea will be your best friend. Sunny moments of carefree merriment will surely entice this cheery cup.
(mountainroseherbs.com supports over 60 "extraordinary teas for your sipping delight.)
I'm fast turning into an advertisement blog it would seem though this is not at all my intent. I think I am a picky person: my ideal partner encompasses all of these personalities, and would probably enjoy all of these teas. I know I will never have the world, but I can still dream. I think theres some order to these personalities I would like "him" to possess, I mean, he would have to have lots of the personality that Hibiscus High demonstrates, and also the fine appreciation of art that Jasmine tea lovers apparently have as well. (oh and I do love Jasmine!) I love Chammomile too, I think it can heal anything .. or help anyway.. and that sort of comforting personality that a Chammomile lover possesses would be so essential to anyone who would have to deal with me since I am sick all the time and well.. Sometimes I do just really want a hug, or that fireplace and classical music--which by the way is completely reminescent to me of my Omi's house, so naturally a comforting thought for me in itself. I would rather the person have a fairly small amount of Mango Ceylon personality, I think I've had enough with men who are overly.. of that thinking and nothing else. A nice, healthy amount of passion is always wonderful, but I suppose I carry around a healthy amount of jaded-ness.
I must admit, I have never really been a terribly large fan of Chai. Which is also funny, since I am quite content to live a life of lower means as long as I am following my own passions. Money has simply... Never meant much to me. Art however has. Which I guess is really funny since I do so very much love Jasmine.
At the moment I could go for some mint or Peppermint tea: I have a fetish for jalapenos- pickled ones, raw ones, cooked ones, ones flaked into a delish peanut-sesame sauce (haha the recipe for which I JUST  emailed my mom) and my stomach is feeling a bit hot. I know we have some in the house- I'm not a terrible fan of the mint but it works.. I'm actually sort of wondering if it would enhance the feeling I already have... I like Yogi-tea's tea, they sort of have a tea for every ailment; Though their Stomach-Soothing tea does have peppermint, it also has cardamom and coriander which really do wonders as well. For some reason Doritos make me feel loads better. One of my friends downs Cheez-Its. A doctor told me that cravings were the body's manifestation of  needing a certain ingredient or thing that is in the item that one craves. Its so fascinating that the body knows what it needs and can tell its person like that... it just amazes me how well God has put us together, how complex we are.
Mom is putting the water on for some tea at Daddy's request. We have an amazing array of teas in our home, and I like to mix and make my own as well using a small metal ball my mother has that I put various herbs inside and let steep. I keep seeing this very interesting metal stick that would be able to do the same thing, just you put the herbs down the center of the stick and swirl it around that way. I havent decided if I like the ball or stick theory yet better, but I think you get more herbs in with the stick, so you could potentially get a more varied blend of different herbs.
I'm going to go... My Saturday night Boston Legal is on. Take care loves, hope you find the right brew for you.
@>--->------ Jenny

New York City

New York City is where Dr. Vincent De Leo is located, the top porphyria specialist in our area. Hes good, I have to admit, he was even able to rush us to the best lab in the USA where a nurse promptly drew my blood in special containers, which will be sent off to another lab in Texas, which will tell us if I have genetic or medically induced or some combination there of, of porphryia-  though the doctor thinks I have one of the three genetic erythro-porphyrias: erythropoetic-porphryia. I always thought it was veriegate, but apparently my skin would not have the severe burning sensation that both my father and I have.
I loved how the doctor listened to my father too, even though it wasnt his appointment technically! I dont think Dad would ever make that kind of appointment for himself unless he was absolutely downright blistering like I had been... I was the one to say something about Daddy, and finally Dr. De Leo asked, "is this your biological father here?" I said yes, and he said,"well then he can talk for himself!!" haha it was funny, and I kept interrupting because I was just so very excited to be there and... Well I've learned if I dont say something when it pops in my head I forget it and so if I think its important I tend to just blurt it out no matter whats going on. And Daddy has Omi's soft, slow, gentle voice, and I'm not always patient with it. Omi said I always was rushing around, that I spoke to fast there was no rush. There always sort of was though, I would forget what the next thing I had to say was if I didnt say it fast enough. And if I get tripped up all is just lost, which is why I'm a giant hyppocite (spelling ack!) and hate people interrupting me!! So I do know I do need to apologize to Daddy =/// At least between us both the doctor got all the information right!
While I was in the city, I posted on facebook that I was "pissed off and stuck in NYC" or something along those lines, and I got several supportive messages. I'm really thankful for all those, though I dont want to type out all what happened twice, so I hope people just read it all here! Heh I was just getting frusturated, there was no parking anywhere, then the parking garage person thought he could rip us off. apparently people take your cars and park them for you, so you cant get them back unless you pay them exorbitant amounts of money. We were at a certain place for exactly twenty one minutes, but were charged twenty three dollars  to store our car. the sign even said it wasnt near that expensive, but what could we do cos we needed the car, it was freezing, I was in pain by then, and we were all tired. So Dad just yelled at the guy he knew we were getting ripped off and the guy smiles and says then dont come back (and another cuter guy brings out the car haha) and then we went home... but Dad still had to pay the money. The cops dont come out for that in the city, they spend their time on more serious crimes. But we were pissed, so Mom said write to the better business bureau. The idiot probably does it to everyone like my Dad said.
I was already having an icky day, cos when we went to the porphyria doctor- as amazingly attentive and nice as he was- the lighting was bright, and there were large window with sun streaming in. I mean, sure hes a dermatologist too but when a large part of your clientele are people who cant be exposed to sun or white light, have a milder-ly lit office! I joked he was trying to up the porphine levels in my blood for when he sent me over to a lab. Id already gotten a lot of sun exposure as Dad navigated the streets of NYC: I had to hold my parasol rotating it to block the sun and juggle my blackberry as I took pictures- A job I didnt do well, which I know is my fault, but I was excited to be in the city! haha. The brief flashes of sun exposure built up over time though, and it got to be absurdly uncomfy by the time we reached the office. Well, found "parking" for the office, I mean, thats what took so long.
I was really happy when night came tonight essentially. Tonight was the "wolf moon", it happens once a year, as the moon is the closest it gets towards the earth and it appears huge. I dunno do wolves actually bay at it when it is so large? To me it was better lit under that moon, that "wolf moon" than it was under the sun, but then under the suns light  I could hardly see it was so bright. I feel much more comfortable in.. well for me the comforting blanket of darkness. Though I'm aware how funny it sounds to use comfortable and comforting so close together, theyre clearly the best words I can use to sum up how I feel about it all. I spoke to my Dad and Mom about changing the lights this week and were going to try. Dad has an extended weekend but (today, since I was so busy yesterday with the city and didnt get home until eleven and then collapsed unto a plate of cold spicy sesame noodles mmh) hes taking my brother up to Conneticut to meet some girl Jason has been talking to he met online. Theyve been cyber-dating, and she actually seems really sweet, though I only spoke to her once breifly
Theres an add on television I cant believe I'm going to address. This thing called the "contour". It uses eletrical pulses to tighten your muscles and is a belt that goes around your waist that claims it is 600 times more effective at muscle stimulation than crunches without back aggrivation or effort. Its actually a TON like the hugely expensive largely European medical device the Electromagnetic Pulse Machine. One of my doctors has one, a leading Lyme researcher who wanted to perform a case study on me on the Electromagnetic Pulse Machine's effect on pain. It worked wonders, allowing me to get of Cymbalta, one of my pain medications, but caused the symptoms of several of my more dangerous medications to be heightened..unfortunately including their side effects. The side effects of several medications are seizures and  they increased exponentially, so we put the machine aside, until I can get off of the medications and then perhaps return to it. Hes doing me quite a favor, allowing me to do this free of charge- the Electromagnetic Pulse Machine can run for like, 400 dollars a use or more. And theyre absurdly expensive to buy if you want a good one, though it will save you a lifetime on pain pills... my only problem is I'm on so many addictive ones now if I stop cold turkey I could end up in the hospital or comatose. But hey, I'm off Cymbalta, though it was relatively mild compared to others... Only injectable painkillers are stronger than mine, there are no stronger oral doses that are safe I do not believe. At least not in my doctors eyes for myself. Anyway this "contour". I think the thing may actually be the one late night add that works! I know from when I was using that machine, the electromagnetic one I mean, the doctor said to do it until my muscles were jumping and it was almost uncomfy by wasnt. and it was great exercise as well, I did it on my stomach often. I honestly wonder if the "contour" couldnt help people with pain either... I'm sure it could, if it tightened up back, stomach and side muscles in people like me who couldnt exercise. Its much cheaper than the electromagnetic pulse, by like, tens of thousands, and so its something to strongly consider. I'm definately putting it on my birthday list, I'm curious about this one!

G'night Folks, hope youre all well
@>--->------ Jenny

Adjustments

Thats a real good song, by Smile Empty Soul. One of my favorites, though currently Owl City's "Fireflies" is playing on repeat in my head... Fantastic accoustics up there. I wish my family would make some major household adjustments.

First of all to the lights. Yellow lights all through the house. The lights are killing me, burning me, restricting me to my room or -when I do venture out- having to be in the dark because no such lights have been installed. My family cant stand the dark... Except increasingly for my dad, who I suspect has the gene for the disease and now has a medically induced version of it, he has been exhibiting a lot of the same symtoms for a while. I tell him to stay out of the sun, cover up, but he ignores my advice. "Yeah?" and "mmh okay I'll try" when I talk to him, "you may be right" but he never does anything except watch himself suffer.

Well tomorrow... Correction TODAY, only its early hah, and I havent slept yet, I'm seeing a porphyria doctor in NYC. Then we can get the proper lining for the windows when he tells us what rays are bad, apparently they make very specific and picky linings.

Tonight earlier (ending at twelve thirty AM anyway) there was an "Law and Order SVU episode involving a man with porphyria. he was the rapist in this case (and got castrated and killed for it...) but I just thought it was so cool that a porph was on tv. I've never known another real one. The police had him under lights in the interrogation room and he was screaming until the doctor arrived and told them what he had and what was wrong, that he wasnt 'crazy' he was in pain. Well sort of crazy for other reasons...

I figured out what disease I had-Porphyria I mean- via television. I was watching "Castle" when a man with porphyria was on. They based the whole show around him and I was freaking out at the end, going "Thats me, thats me, thats me too!" The tea or purple colored urine, the hallucinations that Lyme doctors couldnt explain because they were too strong for the weak hallucinations Lyme causes, my skins reaction to white light or the sun's rays, so much more. Mom laughed at me as I grabbed my laptop, eagerly googling it.

She kept chuckling, and telling me I was being foolish, until I called her over to look at pictures that looked like they could be of my body, of my unusual blisters, etc. Reading things she had thought just.. weird but.. me, and always blindly accepted my whole life the peices began to fall into place for her as well. My father didnt want to believe it. It was the hype, I enjoyed the fact I could call myself vampire that was all.

That was a real slap in the face. I was just excited to know what was wrong with me! Hallucinations that had made me think I was nuts all of high school, and I thought the sun was always so prickly uncomfortable, never understanding those who enjoyed bathing in it, until it began severely hurting me and I knew something was wrong but never before that what. The almost now two decades of severe stomach pain, crippling during gym outside, which now I know why, since I never could understand it before, being that I would do Taekwondo or sports inside and be painless (depending on the lighting)... such a difference. It was the sunlight. As a kid I could push through. As a teen I had to go to the nurse or just let myself collapse. Sometimes Id wait until all the girls left the locker room and lay down on a bench, and if someone came up shoot up and pretend to tie a shoe. Somehow laying down helped me, I'm sure because the EDS was aggrivated when the porphyria was, being that theyre connected somehow and laying when I am in trouble due to EDS always immediately yeilds results. (are you kidding, this spell check is underlining yeilds, it doesnt have that in its dictionary? I hope I didnt get it wrong.)

I sort of think its essential to my recovery my parents buy new bulbs and change them. I know we will need more lights, because neither of my parents see well and I'm suggesting darkening the house, but I live here too, and for an example, I was sleeping nude on the basement couch, with boxes all over the windows to block sunlight (except for a crack I'll admit that did get the bottom of a foot that was hanging over the couch) and I woke up burnt head to toe, front and back. It was utterly miserable, and I dont want to experience it again soon. I suggested keeping the white lights but getting sconces to sheild me from the light. sconces placed artfully all over the house could add alot of light and could really be a great solution I think! The yellow light goes with the peach paint daddy bought for the hall and living room, and I dont think our kitchen, a beige array, would look bad bathed in yellow. The basement is blue, so yellow lights could make it green, which is my favorite color- though colors arent what I'm doing this because of or for (though God knows I would repaint that basement in a heartbeat!)

I feel like I have to bundle up and head out to go to the bathroom if I dont want to risk getting burnt now,  though I'm kind of ashamed (though clearly not too much or I wouldnt write this) to say I am too darn lazy and prideful to do so in my own home. I risk it, dart back as quick as I can, and then I complain at my parents. Truth being though, if I wanted I could go order the bulbs off the internet with my own checkbook, and then wrap up like a shi-ite woman and install them myself.

I envy their religious garb. Ive come close to ordering it many times, but I'm so afraid of insulting someone by accident! I need to ask a very religious Muslim person if they think it would be offensive or not if I wore their garb. I'm Christian..and Jewish.. I preffer to say Jewish though I believe in Jesus, but Jewish headcoverings dont really do enough in the way of  blocking the sun. Snoods and tieschels dont cover the front of the face, and Shabbat veils are fairly see-through (most of them) though there is Nooo way I would wear that out on a daily basis. After all, your Shabbat garb is suppost to be respectful, more dressy than your everyday wear which is what the veil would become if I wore it every time I wanted to go outside in the light. If I'm correct the Islamic woman wears her Hijab everytime she goes outside, not just a small headcovering, so I wouldnt be disrespecting my Shabbat, nor would I be disrepecting anything through Islam, though like I said I must find a devout Muslim to check that all out so as not to insult. We really are a politically correct country, are we not?

I have been bad about keeping my Shabbat, I will admit. It is something I also am not proud of, though I feel like admitting it holds me accountable to rectifying it. Tonight is Shabbat, and I plan on sneaking two candles in my purse in case we are not home in time. I have those lovely battery powered ones, but they are so cumbersome since I have the thick big ones (not battery powered Shabbat candles) so I dont know if I wont take some real candles and some matches justt in case. Lord knows my purse is huge enough, and my current Shabbat candles are worn down fairly small, small enough to hide. A nice shawl tucked away for prayer to change into, and I'm set.

I do feel bad about not having spent more time with God lately. He has blessed me so much. I dont know how ANY one could say he doesnt exsist, looking at the current crisis in Haiti- turned miracle as weeks later people are being pulled out ALIVE! I think the news said it was a stunning amount that nature couldnt account for. I've heard it called a miracle over and over again. They pulled a Hundred and Nine year old woman out, healthy and unharmed! And same with a 14 year old girl TODAY, weeks after the tragedy, though she was dehydrated and hungry. Along with many others today. It.. Makes me smile, at how every time Satan does something so Wicked, God turns it around and makes it so Good.. using this opportunity to turn thousands of hearts him as they realize the impossibilty of these people's surviving on their own, and how loving he can be. Look at the love demonstrated in all the people of the world, as countless countries and religions pulled together to help the Haitian people! Like my cousin said the other day when her neice was born, oh "God is good".

@>--->------ Jenny

:) that is a digress I very much enjoyed, as now I will sleep on a positive note. Update you tomorrow on what the doctor said! Goodnight lovs.

Leno Vs O' Brian

Perhaps it is my young age, but when this all came out, I sided with Conan. I viewed it as... NBC going back on a promise of a lifetime to O' Brian, and Leno betraying the friendship he had with Conan by selfishly taking back the Tonight Show. Most of the country I think thought along the same lines, probably since its a lot of my age group who is staying up so late watching the Tonight Show.

But I did not know all the facts. Oprah said and I quote:

"America has taken sides. And a lot of people are not on your side".

Apparently, in 2004 when Leno was the no. one in entertainment he was confronted in his dressing room by NBC people, informing- not telling- him that they were going to hand the gauntlet to Conan O' Brian, and make him the head of the Tonight Show. Leno admitted to being stunned and hurt- As would any human being who had an ounce of pride in their work- and requested simply to stay along until he became no. 2.

In 2009 thats just what happened, but NBC didnt want to let him go. After he had already announced his retirement, they made him leave a month early so that he couldnt go to any other station and promised him that he could keep his staff from his former show, just take a months "vacation" almost, and then launch right into the 'Jay Leno' show.

And of COURSE Jay took it, he was devastated hed just had the rug pulled out from under him with the "Tonight Show", he just.. was in my opinion a heck of a lot more composed than Conan was when as he called it himself his "dream" was taken away. Jay was competing against major dramas on other networks- thats what I always watched! He admits on "Oprah" to frankly not thinking about the fact that he was to be competing against them, he was just so excited to have kept  his staff, because they became like family to him (shown strongly in the last episode where he hosted the "Tonight Show" and brought out sixty-four children that had been birthed by parents that were staff members who had all intermarried during the duration of the show's exsistance. "Most people like to say that their company is a family, but I think we re really a family-"  and then he launched into an explanation of that last classic episode where all the staff offspring fathered during the show paraded out on stage.) ((Oh, long parenthesis, my former English teacher Ms. Gothelf would cringe. I think of her every time I realize I am using bad grammar, but I have trouble correcting myself because of the seizures. I had one-tiny- in the shower this morning...Ach du leibre, I digress pathetically!))

Anyway, Conan seemed to... throw a hissy fit of sorts to me. At the time I thought it was completely justified, but for God's sake, they tried to offer him a slot just a half hour pushed back, and it still would have been the "Tonight Show". His ratings were down 49%, Jays were down 14%, so it made sense to put Jay first though NBC had not initially planned to de-throne O' Brian as the host of the tonight show. I really see that as a fair thing for everyone. It got everyone out of the way of the dramas, and all it seemed to me that Conan was upset about was the fact that Jay was before him. He said that in one of his jokes, essentially: they gave me the "Tonight Show" and now they want to put Jay Leno in front of me! That makes sense!" Well yes, Conan, it did.

But Conan was a good diplomat too. I'm fond of how he stood up for his staff and fought to get them all severance pay, though i do not recall the amount, and I believe even gave them some of his own money. Then in his last episode he said he hated cynicsm (ack misspelling attack!) and asked the young people who had so strongly sided with him not to be cynical and anti=Leno, keeping up grudges once he was gone. I respect Mr. O' Brian SO much for that.  He choked up and so did I a bit.

Like Oprah said "I understood it the way you explained it, and there are sooo many people who didnt seem to.. I mean, so many people seem to be siding with Conan I thought, like, am I missing something here?" But she wasnt. It was media manipulation, and we've all seen it before. I feel bad for both Mr. Leno and Mr. O' Brian.. True I think one handled it a bit more elegantly and with a tad more decorm, but perhaps that comes with the silver hairs on his head and mere age.. Aren't the old suppost to be wiser and less rash?

I do think Conan was just a bit rash, I think he will regret leaving the "Tonight Show". In my un-expert oppinion, he let pride get ahead of him and when he learnt that his rival was suppost to be ahead of him it stung. The truth stings, like I said, he was down FOURTY-NINE PERCENT. His ratings almost definately would have gone up had he been on the later time slot as executives proposed.

I feel like this was one big crappy mess. With two victims Jay Leno and Conan O'Brian, and thats all that matters. NBC bullied around two of our most beloved comics, and then the media made the country take sides. Its a sad situation, but I'm glad to understand it..What really occured I mean. I hate thinking badly of people who do not deserve so.

@>--->------ Jenny

Meine Engel

As real as "vampires" are, so are angels. Mine happens to be in the form of a huge housecat, Twiggy Nala. 'Nala' because of her Lioness-like appearance... shes a real beauty honestly, with her huge lamplike golden eyes. "Gelden Auge" I call her oft. She takes such wonderful care of me, and shes not even yet two years old. We share the same birthweek, though I do not know the exact day she was born.

She got her name due to her size when she was an infant. I rescued her at only three weeks from the shelter, starved, covered in diarreah, with ribs poking through her fur and her intestines poking slightly out her backside because they were so malformed and swollen due to the lack of mothers milk. She had been on dog food, which was so unhealthy for a kitten that shouldnt have been even weaned yet. Her ears were pitch colored with mites. She was only the size of my hand, and she was terrifyed of the world. It had abandoned her. She had been a dumpster baby, and she tried to go through my trash though I fast broke her of the habit. It took one time of my telling/teaching her how to use the litter for her to know how to use it, she is such a fast learner. I also showed her how to get up the four steps I built up to my bed, because she was too small to reach it. Now she can even open the door, and leap across my room, open plastic containers, and understand english commands better than a dog. She points to something if she wants it, brings a toy if she wants to play, fetches, and even runs up and wipes my tears off with her cheek when I cry. She makes her "are you ok?" sound as well, and also makes that sound every time I cough, sneeze, or get upset. I've listed out at least 70 sounds she makes and their english translations, though I know she makes more, much more. She has a sort of sign language of her own that shes taught me as well to help me know how to better communicate with her.

I was so ill when I first got her home... We both stayed in bed all the time. It was before I had gotten any treatment for my Lyme and I was dying, literally. She never left me. I never left her either, feeding her yogurt and goats milk through a dropper and talking two fingers- all that could fit between her hind legs, and rubbing her belly at night so she could sleep because it felt like pop rocks were inside her, and she was in so much pain. It was the only thing that helped. That and singing. Every time Id stop, shed mewl, and I'd have to start again haha until she finally really WAS asleep. She didnt like the ear cleanings either, and she cried, but she sat still. She let me clean her eyes when they got gunky, and her nose when it was too mucusy. She was only a baby, and some one had to teach her to keep herself up. Her least favorite was when Id wipe her tushy with a clean cloth or tissue. She didnt like to lick down there, and often she let it get dirty. She did lick it once, after she saw G.G., Jason's ticked silver-black english shorthair do so, but she made the most hilarious face, furiously scrubbed her tongue, and never did so again. Much to my mothers frusturation, she began to wipe her butt on the carpet and the back of the couch like a dog. We gave her her own little carpet to do so on which we frequently change, problem solved.

When she was tiny, I was often afraid to let her down around the house. I was grateful that the first few weeks she was afraid to leave my room unless I was with her. She was so small, when she would disappear under my dresser I was sure I would never see her again, like Alice in Wonderland and the rabbit hole. But she always came out. She got stuck as she got bigger, which lead to me leaving the drawers out in the awkward phase in which she was small enough to get under but too big to get out from underneath. Now though,  at a size bigger than my torso and probably related to a mountain lion somehow since she is STILL growing, she cant fit at all which is fantastic since I dont have to worry.

See my mother had this beloved cat named Hermit. Hermit passed before I was born, but I've heard so much about her, and apparently she resembles one of my beanie babies quite closely. lightning-like bolts of dark gray all down her head and sides and a gray body with...eyes a color my mother cannot remember. I cannot imagine forgetting Twiggy's eyes, I hope I never, ever, ever do (speaking of, guess who walked in and is staring at me from the new box&complimentary bag I gave her!) Hermit passed away when she got stuck behind a bookshelf, panicked, and wrenched her neck and broke it. Thats why I panicked about Twiggy getting stuck always. My bed is far away from the wall because a "game" she liked to play (with a huge grin on her face) was climbing up the side of my bed by pushing herself between it and the wall. I always had to help push the bed away because her squeals of effort.. Which somehow she enjoyed cos shed always come back and do it again.. panicked me. As an overbearing mother I heard squeals of despair and cries of beign stuck. Which she never was, she was just always trying to wedge herself in more. Finally I moved the bed away from the wall. Then we just played tag in the space, as she darted in and out from under the bed and I tried to tag her and she my hand before I could pull it back.

She got too big to sleep by me, and I thrashed around too much in pain in the night for either of us to get a good nights sleep. So I got her a Kitty bed on a scratching post- with two little toys to dangle on either side underneath!- that elevated it to the height of my bed and put it right adjacent. She was elated to have her own space, but she quickly outgrew it. It moved into the basement, where it fits G.G. perfectly.

I got the girls.. Twiggy really, this big bunk bed for kitties. It has a tunnel between two scratching poles, and then they support a large bed which fits her perfectly. The top bed is supported by only one pole and is smaller, though is the one they always fight over to sleep in. It looks out the window at night when I can open the curtain, though I rarely do... I do when they ask but I should more.. It has a blanket in it to keep it warm and the edge of the blanket drapes down to the bottom bed making a tent. Since the bottom bunk is on level with my bed, I can play with Twiggs easily when shes there, usually peek-a-boo or playing with a straw or something.. or when shes in or on the tunnel directly under. Since she rarely goes in the tunnel but preffers to sit on it, I store toys inside for easy access. Somehow it seems like I lose them all so fast again haha.

Moving on.. I taught mom the beginning steps of how to belly dance today! It was fun, I directed from my bed and she danced to the dvd. I tried to show her some stuff, and she was really starting to get a little at the end. I took a video when she didnt realize. I think it was very good for her self image, she is always saying how fat she is, when she isnt, and she just had on a sports bra and sweatpants then, and looked very nice- her stomach wasnt big, her hips were nice and curvy, her waist small, her breasts large. She looked hot! I sent a copy to my Dad's email hahaha. She even said she thought she looked good when she saw herself. She really did.

Twiggy lovvves my mom. She follows us both around like a puppy. She likes my Dad a lot too now, she was afraid of his giant looming height at first, but hes a sweetheart and very gentle and won her over with his being so tender with her. She likes his height now, because he carries her like a baby in his arms all over the house whn she rubs up on his legs. Jason took the longest to win her heart, but he did so with lots of playtime and snacks. 'you dont just get a cats heart, you have to earn it". I dont remember where I heard that, or read it. She greets him every morning, and they play often. She likes his lap, I think because shes big and hes warm with long legs. Dad wishes soo bad the cats would go in his lap, but i think he is too thin! he refuses to eat fried foods he needs to indulge once in a while haha fatten himself up just a teeny bit.

I'm exhausted. Theres loads more to Twiggy, but I'll tell it over time. Tomorrow I will.. don't worry be back haha :)

@>--->------ Jenny