The first time I DANCED in two years

The first time I DANCED in two years
Dancing is pretty tiring, but I'm still gonna get dressed up and try

Monday, February 22, 2010

I'm so sorry!!!

I was a lot sicker than usual this past week, even went to the hospital for a brief spell, and I didn't have a chance to blog on account of I was in a lot of pain and my body kept shutting me down, making me pass out. I'd try to fight it, but I was largely entirely unsuccessful and passed out at very awkward times, like in the middle of IMing or txting with someone, or even talking to peoples I'm pretty sure.. There was this really funny moment when I kept falling asleep in the middle of emailing a friend, and then I'd wake up and finish it, and then my internet connection would have timed out and I lost the whole thing haha. And repeated this process three or four times before I gave up. Oy vey I have that email memorized! Hahaha. I talked to the person later and told them  it all so it was ok.
Ach du liebre gott, I still hurt soo bad though. Its probably all the cold pressure. Theres been two to three feet of snow outside for a long time now, and we apparently have more on the way- My body is like a human barometer, I always say. One of our family friends who has Lyme is moving back to Taiwan where it is warmer, which is where her sister and neice (one of my best friends, she used to live here when she was a little child but when she was five she moved over to Taiwan, we've always kept in close touch) live- they actually switched homes, all those years ago, Stephanie (my friend)'s uncle moved here into her former house as he took hers. Her aunt had stayed in Taiwan with them, working and for a decade they lived apart but finally he had enough money to support  them both here and she came over. He worked for about two more years and then retired. Stephanie's aunt (Judy) spent most of her time outside in her garden, time in which she brought forth some of the most beautiful plants I have ever or tasted in my entire life! She truly has a gift there. But its probably also how she got bit, and she became infected with Lyme. Because of me and several others on the street, Tai (her husband) knew right away what to do and he took her to our doctor. We share a lot of information about what works and doesn't and I actually thought she was almost totally better. I'm sad that shes going back to Taiwan, especially for Tai. She just got her citizen ship here in the states, which shed been working towards soo hard, and Daddy pointed out that shes leaving right before its gonna get warmer here, because its almost spring! I think she may miss her sister though, and all her other family there. And there are all the hot springs in Taiwan.. apparently its a quite lovely place to be. I hope she gets better soon.
Oh my Lorddd.... The verdict just came back on the case against the police officers in New York City accused of sodomizing that poor man with a retractable nightstick and then the other two accused of covering it up, the guy had part of his INTESTINE removed!! He was so insanely injured does no one remember when he was in the hospital? Did his doctors not testify? Or was that "prejudicial"... I cant believe this I was so sure it was a slam dunk! Its so terrifying those crazies are back out on the street, and probably in full police-officer- force again now. ReDICulous. One of the police men even came forward and testified as to what he saw! But nooo, the defense convinced the jury that a group of police men were a lot more honest and believable than a former junky, juries are so prejudicial. I feel so so bad for the man who sued, he must feel absolutely terrified knowing that theyre out on the street and could very well retailiate and nothing would happen to them. Police so often get away with everything. I love reading true murder mysteries, or true crime books (Anne Rule is a great author!!) and I've read so many where the police man was the abusive husband and no one believed the woman, or he was the murderer and it took years to prove because he was thought to be like, man of the year or something. That very out spoken Reverend ahh what is his name... Hm I cant remember.. anyway he thinks the men are guilty too, and is speaking later tonight. (sorry for the brain fart, I wish I could remember his name. I know hes very Obama, which I'm sort of ehhh about but well every man (or woman) to their own oppinion)
sigh. I guess thats how it is with the policemen. There wasnt enough evidence and so they got off.. Now their guilt is a matter of oppinion. Its the DA's fault that the case went to trial, it shouldnt have. They should have gathered enough evidence. I sort of hope that man who was abused moves out of NYC. I think that would be safest for him.
My room smells so sweet. Liiike, two dozen roses :) I am letting them all dry, hanging them over the circle that supports this big mesh net that goes all over my bed and walls.. kind of engulfing me...All my yellow ones dried. For valentines day Daddy got me a dozen yellow roses cos they're my fayyvoriite, and Mommy he got six pink and six red roses, which she deeply enjoyed. Some of them dried, but I hadnt gotten to all of them until just today the last of the pinks and reds are finishing up, along with all the greenery and one of the babies' breaths. The other one dried so well. I spray them down with hairspray when I'm done, and then they drip dry, and they they stay perfect! Its amazing. I love roses so much. Especially my yellow ones hehe. I took a couple cute pictures of twiggy smelling the roses. She seems to like yellow roses best too. They all smell different, the different colors.
Hehehe Twiggy is laying in the hallway where she can keep an eye on me. I swear shes my angel! She is always monitoring me, even when I dont know it, and ready to rush in with a kiss or a snuggle at just the right moment. I especially enjoy her "are you okays" in that beautiful inquistive voice. Her voice imitates the exact ups and downs of our voices when we say to someone in a real concerned manner "ohh are you okayy??" its almost like she says it for real its incredible. When I tell her I'm fine shes instantly calmer, (I say "I'm ok, Mommy's okay, thanks hon!") Did I write about the time she was cuddling me, and she stood up at one point and I thought she was going to leave and I prayed she would stay and she instantly swung around and stared at me. And it was so powerful I just froze under those firy golden orbs. And she just leaned down and kissed my nose, and  this electricity passed between the two of us but she didnt pull back like she usually did. And then she just turned and laid back down! I was still a little shocked, and realized I was tearing up a bit. I still dont know why, I just felt this.. presence I've never felt before, or if I have I certainly dont remember it. Halfway through the night I woke up and she was staring at me, just eyes half open, resting peacefully and keeping watch on me. I hadnt moved, just opened my eyes, so I knew I had not disturbed her and that she had been watching me for a while. It makes me feel very warm inside to feel that there is someone who loves me so much.. And as my father pointed out needs me so much as well. She comes and runs and jumps in my arms and huddles there while people are vaccuuming, or if the blender is going, or something loud in general that frightens her and sends her into my arms. She rubs her face on me the whole time I hold her, and I get so happy when she goes from shivering to relaxed and purring. She is so wonderful, so amazing to me.
OK something realllly important just came in the mail, I'll tell y'll what it is laters. Thanks, sorry again about not blogging for so long =x

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Got Out!

Finnnnally, I escaped from this tiny little (not so dingy but sort of messy at the moment) dungeon that has become my room, and gotten a chance to get out of the house! My father finally installed yellow lights throughout the entire house so that I would not get burned, so I have been able to move around my own home more comfortably as well... Though it almost feels odd to do so because I'm not used to it. I'm delighted to get used to it though.
Tonight I needed an escape- Daddy and I were discussing my art business, and I was getting upset and I just needed an out. So mom took me on a drive around 11:30pm, and we went to Applebees. The lighting is fairly dim in there, and they have colored lamps. Even though the bulbs are on the bottom, they arent really all that white but more of a yellow in hue, yellow enough that I could last a through dinner comfortably. 9
Well, it was more of a desert. We got a booth by the window (actually we MOVED our stuff, there was hardly anyone there that time of night so the place was empty. She put us in seats across from a plushy booth, and the hard seats would have hurt me after very long. So Mom asked if I wanted to move and we did. They didnt mind) where we could see the snow... I love the smell of the crisp snow. Haha we got a foot recently and are getting about another foot in a day or so. I was so excited to be outside before it had melted that as I walked to the car I kept leaning on my cane and pressing a shoe in the snow to hear it crunch beneath my foot (mom wouldnt let me walk through it it was too deep and I hadnt worn boots haha). I did the same thing on the way out of the car on the way home, I'm such a little kid. Mom said she didnt know what "snow" smelled like, it just all smelled like winter to her. But to me snow has a distinct smell. Mom's scent glands are well.. fading though, She'll say it herself. Mine have been made stronger by Lyme hers weaker. (And perhaps age too, who knows, I think its Lyme though.) But I digress.
We ordered drinks first. I got an iced tea, unsweetened no lemon, and Mom had lemon and seltzer. Her throat has been bothering her lately because of all the heat we have had to have on due to the snow.. All the dry hot air is terrible for the sinuses. My own are very,, runny at the moment, I keep blowing my nose. I hattteee people that sniffle. The mucus goes right down their throat. I can always almost taste it when they sniffle. It makes me shiver. My daddys' a sniffler. I'm always scolding him, especially since he carries around a hankercheif all the time haha. Of course, I dont hate my daddy :)
For food I asked if I could have french onion soup. It was Mom's idea- I was having trouble finding something that looked good on the menu that didnt have meat in it. The waiter came back though and said they had literally justt sent out the last of it. It was ok. I'm sure it couldnt have beat my momma's. Mom said she was glad she wasnt hungry- French onion is her favorite and she would have been so disappointed haha. They suggested the tomato basil soup instead and I went with it. Also Mom and I got a triple dark chocolate hot fudge cake, with a scoop of ice cream to the side. The plate was done so artistically. The cake was like a volcano when you cut into it, with a pillar of molten fudge cutting through the center and pooling at the top. It was one of the most evil and delish things I've ever eaten in my entire life, and I throughly plan on going back and ordering it again sometime- I highly reccomend it. I wish I knew its proper name. I'm too lazy to look it up, I'm just describing it haha. Words dont do it justice. It was an orgasm for the tongue. Mom said Dad would be disappointed in us for eating all that chocolate (as she scooped up some excess fudge with her spoon off the plate) and I informed her that we would just have to tell him we were women and that is what women do: Embrace chocolate. Especially during Valentine's Day week! Hahaha. Oooh I must buy myself a box later this week to devour Sunday hahaha. (And of course give Mom the caramel square, since it's her favorite)
The soup was well, ok. It sort of tasted like Campbells, but with all the spices it made it thicker and tasted similar to my mothers homemade tomato sauce. I had them pack it up to take home- To pour over some spagetti. Just cause I didnt like it in one format doesnt mean I should waste all that good money Mom was so generous to spend on me. Mom thought it was a clever idea. Though she thought I should have picked off the croutons before pouring it into the new container, because now they will get all soggy and be crouton mush XD hahaha.
I guess that makes it even thicker, like a stew? lolol. It was good, I just was full from the cake I suppose. I sort of want some more now, but am hesitant to get up and walk all the way across the house and get some. There are still white lights in the refridge, and Mom is sleeping downstairs on the big couch in the family room since when we got home Daddy was out cold and she didnt want to wake him. Also she was going to read a bit before bed, cos shes not really tired, but she doesnt want to stay with me since I tend to stay up a bit later than she preffers haha. And also the tap-tapping drives her mad, when shes trying to sleep and I'm doing this right next to her :x
We got in the parking lot at twelve thirty, after realizing we were the last ones there. We hadnt realized the time until we got in the car I dont think; We were impressed they didnt kick us out. They didnt even put up the chairs in our area, though they did in others. It was very nice of them. Our waiter was nice too, though he kept looking down my cleavage I'm pretty sure I caught him once or twice. I kept having to pull up my top. I used to love wearing this shirt and it's so tight across my chest now that I've gained weight! I actually dont think I've worn it in quite some time. It makes me look like that country singer, whats her name, Dolly Parton hahaha. Not quite as blonde though, and with a lott less makeup. I like her.. She has a pretty voice. And shes aged so nicely, with.. hm I'm not sure if shes ever had plastic surgery I dont thiink so. I know she was never y'know, enhanced, I was talking about her face. Though I suppose boobs to change too after one ages, with sagging and all. But Lord I hope I can be in as good of shape as she is when I'm her age! And as active.. (The figure and the activeness probably go hand in hand hehe)

I'm gonna go, I have to go read an email from a friend in college- I hardly get to talk to her anymore, I miss her soooo much. She's my very best friend, my, hm, second oldest friend, I met her when I was seven and we've been so close since. I cant wait to read what she has to say. And also I missed an episode of "CSI Miami" tonight, which was supposed to be some really unique and cool episode where a dude got offed in space, so I gotta go to and watch that. They have tons of free shows and movies -old andd new, there.. and one doesnt even have to join anything to view them all. Its awesome. They have more stuff than that, but thats all I go on it for.
Anyway, take care all.
@>--->------ Jenny

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Apraxia- Equivalent of Brain Fog?

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days. My seizures are getting worse. Far worse than I'd hoped they'd get. Every couple words I find myself backing up and deleting because I keep messing up multiple times because my hands just plain won't do what my brain tells it to. My family and others I find can get frusturate with me... well except for two of my friends, who are very patient with me and Amaaazing. My family is getting wonderful at getting not so frusturated, and putting up with me. I guess time is just teaching everyone how to handle this whole thing right. It was hard at first, but we all think its a lot easier now, i believe.
A lot of "Lymies" call this whole thing "brain fog" or "lyme fog". What That always drove me secretly NUTS because of the unscientific sounding nature of the term and my fear of not being taken seriously when trying to describe my difficulty. People always take you much more seriously if you have a fancy Greek name attached to your sickness, rather than something stupid, like "lyme fog". Blechh.
Well very recently one of my friends sent me the name of something he thought I really should check out called Apraxia. When I did, I was delighted (thank you Jonathan Harper!), it sounded exactttly like me, every last symptom:
Apraxia is a neurological disorder characterized by loss of the ability to execute or carry out learned purposeful movements, despite having the desire and the physical ability to perform the movements. It is a disorder of motor planning which may be acquired or developmental, but may not be caused by incoordination, sensory loss, or failure to comprehend simple commands (which can be tested by asking the person to recognize the correct movement from a series). Apraxia should not be confused with aphasia, an inability to produce and/or comprehend language, abulia, the lack of desire to carry out an action, or allochiria, in which patients perceive stimuli to one side of the body as occurring on the other.
The root word of apraxia is praxis, Greek for an act, work, or deed. It is preceded by a privative a, meaning without.
There are several types of apraxia including:
  • ideomotor (inability to carry out a motor command, for example, "act as if you are brushing your teeth" or "salute") - the form most frequently encountered by physicians,
    • limb apraxia when movements of the arms and legs are involved,
    • nonverbal-oral or buccofacial (inability to carry out facial movements on command, e.g., lick lips, whistle, cough, or wink),
  • ideational (inability to create a plan for or idea of a specific movement, for example, "pick up this pen and write down your name"),
  • limb-kinetic (inability to make fine, precise movements with a limb),
  • verbal (difficulty planning the movements necessary for speech), also known as Apraxia of Speech (see below)
  • constructional (inability to draw or construct simple configurations), such as intersecting pentagons,
  • oculomotor (difficulty moving the eye, especially with saccade movements)
Each type may be tested at decreasing levels of complexity; if the person tested fails to execute the commands, you can make the movement yourself and ask that the person mimic it, or you can even give them a real object (like a tooth brush) and ask them to use it.
Apraxia may be accompanied by a language disorder called aphasia.

[edit] Apraxia of speech

Symptoms of Acquired Apraxia of Speech (AOS) and Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) include inconsistent articulatory errors, groping oral movements to locate the correct articulatory position, and increasing errors with increasing word and phrase length. AOS often co-occurs with Oral Apraxia (during both speech and non-speech movements) and Limb Apraxia.
Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) presents in children who have no evidence of difficulty with strength or range of motion of the articulators, but are unable to execute speech movements because of motor planning and coordination problems. This is not to be confused with phonological impairments in children with normal coordination of the articulators during speech.
Acquired apraxia of speech involves the loss of previously acquired speech levels. It occurs in both children and adults who have (prior to the onset of apraxia) acquired some level of speaking ability. Unlike Childhood Apraxia of Speech, AOS is typically the result of a stroke, tumor, or other known neurological illness or injury.

[edit] Causes

Ideomotor apraxia is almost always caused by lesions in the language-dominant (usually left) hemisphere of the brain, and as such these patients often have concomitant aphasia, especially of the Broca or conduction type. Left-side ideomotor apraxia may be caused by a lesion of the anterior corpus callosum.
Ideational apraxia is commonly associated with confusion states and dementia.
( turned out my mom had even looked it up in a medical dictionary when I told her about it, I was slightly peeved she hadnt said anything. Jon said he thought this was all really onset by my seizures, and I agree. My seizures started when I was around fourteen, and thats around the time the confusion started, though then "mild" was well, a "mild" way of describing it haha. I.. Literally have every one of those symptoms. Sometimes my eyes are stuck straight, and I cant move them, and people are like "wtf are you staring at?" and I'm just like "nothing, nothing"... but I cant stop, and I cant make my brain explain whats wrong. I've had to have my father help me up onto the bed when I cant make my leg lift more than halfway, when it moved perfectly fine earlier. I couldnt draw or do my nails for a whole year because it was so severe, the part of the apraxia that affected my motor ability. I often cant make my hands type what I want here and have to go back and its terribly frusturate. I used to be able to speed type. A handwriting expert would never be able to tell whose handwriting mine is because its changed so many times, and was fairly messy for quite a while. Now its much more... well the most uniform its ever been because I go soooo slow and every movement and stroke is so carefully thought out. Yet still there are often crossing-out marks.
I know the damage to my brain is permanent. Reading that... if that IS the equivalent of whatever the heck "brain fog" is, just confirms that belief. I'm just scared because these seizures are now multiple times a day, daily. Even now, I feel the pain of one that I had earlier. Sigh.
Twiggy helps take my mind off it all. She is sleeping right next to me now, her lower "bunk bed" is the same height as my bed. (I got them a pretty fancy cat bed, I described it in an old post heh) She never used to sleep in the bottom, well rarely, but I dont think she ever did overnight just perhaps for daytime naps and to cuddle me; but since we put a blanket on the "top bunk" whose side drapes down tenting the lower bunk she looooves it. She loves boxes, forts, tents, the like. I was the exact same way as a kid. I remember falling asleep in a tent of couch cushions several times.... along with a gazillion stuffed animals hahaha. This is definately the first time shes slept there all night long. I like it because its easier to snuggle her. She usually sleeps on the top bunk or the big seventies style chair pulled next to my bed. Either way shes very close, but shes closest this way <3 Shes my baby after all, and I love cuddling her. It sort of makes the whole world feel better.
Shes curled on her back, sort of on her side facing away from me at the moment. I'm going to go snuggle her some more :)
Take care everyone

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Shame on Michelle

Its hard enough to grow up the face of a nation, with cameras constantly in ones face. But for the daughters of Barack and Michelle Obama, lately life has a reason to be especially hard.
As we all know, Sasha and Malia, especially Malia, are entering puberty. And its sort of well, natural to pudge up some during that time, especially for women. However according to her doctor... According the the girls' own MOTHER, Michelle, the daughters were at risk of being overweight, as Michelle is quoted saying here, in this controversial article:
I was appalled. They show a picture of Malia here, and she looks thin as ever! And it would be one thing if her parents were to set their children up eating healthy at home anyway; Theres no harm in that and Mrs. Obama is a big promoter of healthy living, but to announce your child's weight on television.. in a negative light of all things... is setting them up for emotional trouble, because now everyone at their school, that boy they have a crush on.. knows they feel "fat". And they could very well develop an eating disorder!
I used to have one.. Around Malia's age. Its a tough time in life. Kids are mean! And what our President's wife said was just downright insensitive. Personally, I hope she went home and apologized, though I hope she doesnt publically as it would just draw more attention to an already likely petrified young girl.
I just really hope it doesnt mess Malia.. and Sasha even... as much as I think it may.
And as my mother said, the Obamas' need to get their daughters a new doctor because they are just damn fine. Its unhealthy to be stick thin.. there is a balance, and those girls are already pretty skinny. Theyve been skinny their whole lives and now as they get their womanly figure Mrs. Obama calls that obesity?
I call that stupidity.... ahhh.... *shakes head*.
I'm gonna end this before I say something about the president I shouldnt. Our freedom of speech is so blurred who knows what one can say anymore, and Obamas been taking away so many of our liberties, I dont know if critcizing his wife would could as a felony (haha dark humor)
Talk to you all laters!
and note****: it isnt polite to say a woman's weight hahaha
@>--->------ Jenny

And I Feel Fine

No one ever wants to hear when someone doesnt feel well. I learned that fast, despite peoples constant asking how I was doing. "Im ok". Thats all they wish to hear. Sickness is an awkward conversational topic, and people dont know how to deal with it.
So the crappy thing is, I deal with it by myself.
I wish there was one person who would just understand every-which way I felt. There isnt, really though. Not unless you could fine someone with the exact same similar diseases, or similar symptoms with their disease, and my combination is pretty "special". I feel like I whine when I talk about it all to "normal" people, and by doing so alienate them from me. I push people away my father says.
My aunt tells me when I speak to her to only speak about the happy things in life. To perhaps water-down what I tell people about my life because it truth be told isnt so pleasant. I wonder why she honestly asks if she critcises me every time for telling her what goes on. It doesnt make me feel very nice. I've gotten to where I dont enjoy speaking to her at all, though I know she probably says it with decent intentions in her heart.
Boyfriends- they seem to never believe me at first when I claim to be as sick as I am. Like its impossible. And of course I'm always trying to be my best around them, so they often do not see me at my worst until the relationship has gone on a bit and Ive felt more at ease, more trusting, being my sick self. So when I allow myself to fall back a bit and take it easy (so I'm not always collapsing after they leave) they usually just go "ohmyGod, thiss is what she meant when she said she was ill? eww i cant handle thiss." then they poof. Friends are a bit better, but when I cant go outside always or go places they kind of get fed up with always doing the same old things with me at my house. I cant help being boring. I sort of like it. I never was a party-person. I actually dont think Im very boring, but some people think if theres no loud music or alcohol it automatically is.
Back when I was healthy, we would run around outside, me and my friends, all over my backyard and  the playground at the school nearby. Manhunt, and roasting various edible things (and non edible, we were pyros hahaha) over my dad's fire pit in the backyard.. laying in the hammock.. We got a hottub out there recently though I havent the strenght to go in it much. Its huge, fits 7 people at least, and has one reclining part. Its made so big so I could do physical therapy in it, though I havent the chance. We're considering encasing the entire back deck and hottub in glass coated in that special material that would filter out the rays from the sun that harm me so I could even go out in the day... though night is a lot more fun cos I can go bathsuit-less and not be afraid of the neighbors seeing me hahaha. Also now in the winter, when one gets out the suit especially tends to immediately catch the cold air and cling to the body, where as nude one can merely throw on a thick robe and run for the cover of the kitchen. Moms always good to leave towels on the kitchen floor so I dont slip and fall on that tile. Then I either hop into bed or a hot bath. I cant wait til Im stronger and can use it more..
I will admit, I'm not having the best day. I got slightly burned last night by a light on dim (that was still white) so it just took longer for me to feel the effects of the burn and now I hurt all over. I preffer the brighter lights so I can recoil quickly. Mom thinks cloudy days are better for me, but theyre more dangerous because of the same thing. I dont feel the burn so I stay out longer and get burnt. But she said before "yeah but you can stay out longer though".... She just doesnt get it. Oh well. She at least admitted it was snowy out today and the reflection of that was very dangerous, I'm glad she conceded to that.
Some new glass houses she got came just now. We had little winter ones to go on the counter, but now these are spring design. The bucket in the tiny wishing well even sways! I'm gonna go help her, I'm kind of interested. I'll see if I cant save Twiggy the box too, shes hovering around hopeful haha =]
take care loves!
@>--->------ Jenny

Monday, February 1, 2010

Things That Bug Me

Porphyria is apparently a very very rare disease. But lately I have been hearing a heck of a lot about it. Several days ago there was an "Law and Order, SVU" show where the killer was a really disgusting porph who I'd hate to run into (though thankfully for the sake of all mankind was castrated and killed before the end of the show..something I think I mentioned in an earlier blog)
Well now "CSI, Miami" is bringing out the porphs as their killers. "Castle", the show that helped me figure out and later diagnose my own Porphyria, also featured the character who played a porph in a negative light- a deranged suspect (who at least on this show wasnt the killer.) How come we're always the bad guys? It seems to play off the "vampire-creepy" aspect a bit, but Id like to see just one show where we were portrayed decently. "Castle" doesnt count, because the person who was afflicted with Porphyria there had such a strong degree of hallucinations he really did believe himself vampire, and though yeah we hallucinate REALLYYY badly, I dont think we're all that extreme which is how it was portrayed- Porphyria along the lines of schizophrenia with the twist of an extreme sunlight allergy. Perhaps some porphs are like this and I just havent met them yet; Heck I havent met any porphs. I wish I will.. I would love to meet someone who could understand what I go through.
Thats sort of how I was able to understand why the killer-porph in "CSI, Miami" did what he did. Of course, I thought it extreme and an over the top way of stating his point, especially in a world when the points of people trying to make them arent even gotten anyway and the world just focuses in on the act themselves. This poor porph developed a late-onset form of Porphyria that came about during his adulthood, after hed already been used to living a full life in the sun. He went mad in his apartment, and took to spying on people who actually had their lives intact... or could go out unharmed in the day, I mean. He was appalled at what he witnessed, people "wasting" their lives away, and took to killing those who in his oppinion didnt value the treasure that was life itself.
I just bitch these people out.. Murder seems a tad over-the-top to me. Plus I dont think they will be as accomodating to my needs of colored lighting and covered windows in jail.
It is despicable to me how people throw their lives away. I have a friend who has Lyme, yet insists on going out and getting drunk every couple nights, further destroying a liver already probably getting decimated by long term antibiotics that are essential to saving his life... After all you can always get a new liver, you cant get a new body, as I told one doctor once who was against long-term Lyme treatment. However the process doesnt need to be sped up; perhaps a transplant doesnt take? Or there is no suitable donor? Are these not things to consider before one drowns ones organs??
I know several people who even admitted to me (actually more than several cos its three) that they thought they had Lyme but they refused to get tested. It was almost as if they enjoyed being unable to work (which I'm sure two of them did) and the sympathy that they tried to eek from their position. Which positively disgusts me.. It was just like when I knew this woman who had cancer- a small bit, but she was going for chemo to blast the last of it. I said since it was small to go to some alternative doctors, try rife machines, etc. there are lots of alternative medicines that actually work (generally from overseas but are coming to the US, and luckily primarily in the NYC/PA area where we live) but she just sort of looked at me and said no... she thought that stuff was great for some people but she was going to stick  with her chemo. After which she went on another tangent about how horrid it made her feel. Which made me kind of go "auuugh" inside: If you think the stuff works, try it and stop your complaining woman!!!
People can be so demented, and its disgusting how a longingness for sympathy or lazyness can allow them to actually actively let themselves sink into a slow.. well suicide. Because that is what it is if you know there is a problem and refuse to do anything. I sort of am afraid this lazyness and like for sympathy will be the death of one of my aunts, who several of the family is SURE has Lyme, and was even bit by a tick and got a ring years ago (and you have to have Lyme to get the ring, its a LYME RASH, hello.) My uncle, her husband, was even positively diagnosed by a test with a forty percent accuracy rate.. which means he had to be prettyyy ill. Which he is. When a test that even isnt a damn test, something never meant to BE a test, let alone test for this, was used and duh it came up negative because it wasnt a proper test, he now thinks he does NOT have Lyme, though he has no idea what is wrong with him. However, since the doctor gave him antibiotics for a decent amount of time when they believed him to have Lyme, hes temporarily feeling better, heightening his denial. I keep saying, as does my mother, when they get out of his system he will feel even worse than before. He had the tail of the spirocete- Band 41 on his Western Blot (which is a really crappy test because it has a 60 percent false negative rate) and people who have failed that test merely because they have had one band- you have to have five according to their standards, and they throw one out because of a 1980s vaccine that made people sick with Lyme... a band I had though  I was never alive during the nineteen-eighties, and thus I only had four bands on MY Western Blot(s) and failed every time- anyway people with only that one band have wound up fully paralyzed before theyve received treatment because of this crap test. I certainly have Lyme, because I was also fully paralyzed (oh and guess what! had band 41!) Unable to speak, eat, go to the bathroom- Mom changed my diapers- or even barely breathe or swallow my own spit. I was a blob. And now I am blogging. I am much better. Last night I was on the floor playing with my cat in the living room. But two years ago, when treatment was first started, I was on deaths doorstep. And I have the itching feeling thats what its going to take for my aunt and uncle to see a real Lyme specialist, which makes me both saddened and truthfully... disgusted, since they know everything thats happened to me and my mother has sent them so much information.
I apologize for not writing yesterday. I was going to, but I collapsed asleep after hours of working on a pen-and-ink on rice paper. Its really nice and large, and very detailed. I shall post a picture probably later today or tomorrow depending on when I finish the last details.
Take care everyone- Good morning to the norms, Good night to the porphs*
@>--->------ Jenny

Saturday, January 30, 2010

A Perfect Union

Is the name of an add in my Herbal Magazine, from The add was just too fantastic to pass by... I've always been amazed with Herbal teas my whole life, especially the healthy, greens; the dried unfermented kind (unlike their sometimes more potent yet always unhealthier black tea cousins).
This add was essentially a compatibility chart, comparing peoples personalities to the teas that they drank. I decided to share it, it was just too delicious to pass by.
MANGO CEYLON: Those with dark inclinations and a lust for the mysterious will pair well with this aromatic cup. This perfumed, velvety brew enjoys a partner with a heavy palate, forceful nature, and determined spirit. Those with delicate constitutions need not sip this enchanted tea.
FIREFLY CHAI: This inspired amber fusion is looking for someone who soars to great heights with zeal and ambition. Someone who is daring and never misses an opportunity to acheive big dreams! If you truely believe anything is possible, this charmed cup is destined for you.
CHAMOMILE: This peaceful tea is looking for a steady partner who enjoys the delights of domestic tranquility. If you enjoy an evening of classical music amongst the sputtering flames of a fireside, than this tea would make the perfect companion.
JASMINE PEARLS: This graceful tea is best suited to those with an eye for elegance and a taste for grandeur. If your perfect day includes perusing art from the worlds finest galleries, than certainly count on this exquisite cup to be a sophisticated partner.
HIBISCUS HIGH: If you embrace your inner child with open arms and find yourself climbing trees and making cardboard forts in the backyard, this tea will be your best friend. Sunny moments of carefree merriment will surely entice this cheery cup.
( supports over 60 "extraordinary teas for your sipping delight.)
I'm fast turning into an advertisement blog it would seem though this is not at all my intent. I think I am a picky person: my ideal partner encompasses all of these personalities, and would probably enjoy all of these teas. I know I will never have the world, but I can still dream. I think theres some order to these personalities I would like "him" to possess, I mean, he would have to have lots of the personality that Hibiscus High demonstrates, and also the fine appreciation of art that Jasmine tea lovers apparently have as well. (oh and I do love Jasmine!) I love Chammomile too, I think it can heal anything .. or help anyway.. and that sort of comforting personality that a Chammomile lover possesses would be so essential to anyone who would have to deal with me since I am sick all the time and well.. Sometimes I do just really want a hug, or that fireplace and classical music--which by the way is completely reminescent to me of my Omi's house, so naturally a comforting thought for me in itself. I would rather the person have a fairly small amount of Mango Ceylon personality, I think I've had enough with men who are overly.. of that thinking and nothing else. A nice, healthy amount of passion is always wonderful, but I suppose I carry around a healthy amount of jaded-ness.
I must admit, I have never really been a terribly large fan of Chai. Which is also funny, since I am quite content to live a life of lower means as long as I am following my own passions. Money has simply... Never meant much to me. Art however has. Which I guess is really funny since I do so very much love Jasmine.
At the moment I could go for some mint or Peppermint tea: I have a fetish for jalapenos- pickled ones, raw ones, cooked ones, ones flaked into a delish peanut-sesame sauce (haha the recipe for which I JUST  emailed my mom) and my stomach is feeling a bit hot. I know we have some in the house- I'm not a terrible fan of the mint but it works.. I'm actually sort of wondering if it would enhance the feeling I already have... I like Yogi-tea's tea, they sort of have a tea for every ailment; Though their Stomach-Soothing tea does have peppermint, it also has cardamom and coriander which really do wonders as well. For some reason Doritos make me feel loads better. One of my friends downs Cheez-Its. A doctor told me that cravings were the body's manifestation of  needing a certain ingredient or thing that is in the item that one craves. Its so fascinating that the body knows what it needs and can tell its person like that... it just amazes me how well God has put us together, how complex we are.
Mom is putting the water on for some tea at Daddy's request. We have an amazing array of teas in our home, and I like to mix and make my own as well using a small metal ball my mother has that I put various herbs inside and let steep. I keep seeing this very interesting metal stick that would be able to do the same thing, just you put the herbs down the center of the stick and swirl it around that way. I havent decided if I like the ball or stick theory yet better, but I think you get more herbs in with the stick, so you could potentially get a more varied blend of different herbs.
I'm going to go... My Saturday night Boston Legal is on. Take care loves, hope you find the right brew for you.
@>--->------ Jenny