A lot of "Lymies" call this whole thing "brain fog" or "lyme fog". What That always drove me secretly NUTS because of the unscientific sounding nature of the term and my fear of not being taken seriously when trying to describe my difficulty. People always take you much more seriously if you have a fancy Greek name attached to your sickness, rather than something stupid, like "lyme fog". Blechh.
Well very recently one of my friends sent me the name of something he thought I really should check out called Apraxia. When I did, I was delighted (thank you Jonathan Harper!), it sounded exactttly like me, every last symptom:
Apraxia is a neurological disorder characterized by loss of the ability to execute or carry out learned purposeful movements, despite having the desire and the physical ability to perform the movements. It is a disorder of motor planning which may be acquired or developmental, but may not be caused by incoordination, sensory loss, or failure to comprehend simple commands (which can be tested by asking the person to recognize the correct movement from a series). Apraxia should not be confused with aphasia, an inability to produce and/or comprehend language, abulia, the lack of desire to carry out an action, or allochiria, in which patients perceive stimuli to one side of the body as occurring on the other.
The root word of apraxia is praxis, Greek for an act, work, or deed. It is preceded by a privative a, meaning without.
There are several types of apraxia including:
- ideomotor (inability to carry out a motor command, for example, "act as if you are brushing your teeth" or "salute") - the form most frequently encountered by physicians,
- ideational (inability to create a plan for or idea of a specific movement, for example, "pick up this pen and write down your name"),
- limb-kinetic (inability to make fine, precise movements with a limb),
- verbal (difficulty planning the movements necessary for speech), also known as Apraxia of Speech (see below)
- constructional (inability to draw or construct simple configurations), such as intersecting pentagons,
- oculomotor (difficulty moving the eye, especially with saccade movements)
Apraxia may be accompanied by a language disorder called aphasia.
 Apraxia of speechSymptoms of Acquired Apraxia of Speech (AOS) and Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) include inconsistent articulatory errors, groping oral movements to locate the correct articulatory position, and increasing errors with increasing word and phrase length. AOS often co-occurs with Oral Apraxia (during both speech and non-speech movements) and Limb Apraxia.
Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) presents in children who have no evidence of difficulty with strength or range of motion of the articulators, but are unable to execute speech movements because of motor planning and coordination problems. This is not to be confused with phonological impairments in children with normal coordination of the articulators during speech.
Acquired apraxia of speech involves the loss of previously acquired speech levels. It occurs in both children and adults who have (prior to the onset of apraxia) acquired some level of speaking ability. Unlike Childhood Apraxia of Speech, AOS is typically the result of a stroke, tumor, or other known neurological illness or injury.
 CausesIdeomotor apraxia is almost always caused by lesions in the language-dominant (usually left) hemisphere of the brain, and as such these patients often have concomitant aphasia, especially of the Broca or conduction type. Left-side ideomotor apraxia may be caused by a lesion of the anterior corpus callosum.
Ideational apraxia is commonly associated with confusion states and dementia.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apraxia)It turned out my mom had even looked it up in a medical dictionary when I told her about it, I was slightly peeved she hadnt said anything. Jon said he thought this was all really onset by my seizures, and I agree. My seizures started when I was around fourteen, and thats around the time the confusion started, though then "mild" was well, a "mild" way of describing it haha. I.. Literally have every one of those symptoms. Sometimes my eyes are stuck straight, and I cant move them, and people are like "wtf are you staring at?" and I'm just like "nothing, nothing"... but I cant stop, and I cant make my brain explain whats wrong. I've had to have my father help me up onto the bed when I cant make my leg lift more than halfway, when it moved perfectly fine earlier. I couldnt draw or do my nails for a whole year because it was so severe, the part of the apraxia that affected my motor ability. I often cant make my hands type what I want here and have to go back and its terribly frusturate. I used to be able to speed type. A handwriting expert would never be able to tell whose handwriting mine is because its changed so many times, and was fairly messy for quite a while. Now its much more... well the most uniform its ever been because I go soooo slow and every movement and stroke is so carefully thought out. Yet still there are often crossing-out marks.
I know the damage to my brain is permanent. Reading that... if that IS the equivalent of whatever the heck "brain fog" is, just confirms that belief. I'm just scared because these seizures are now multiple times a day, daily. Even now, I feel the pain of one that I had earlier. Sigh.
Twiggy helps take my mind off it all. She is sleeping right next to me now, her lower "bunk bed" is the same height as my bed. (I got them a pretty fancy cat bed, I described it in an old post heh) She never used to sleep in the bottom, well rarely, but I dont think she ever did overnight just perhaps for daytime naps and to cuddle me; but since we put a blanket on the "top bunk" whose side drapes down tenting the lower bunk she looooves it. She loves boxes, forts, tents, the like. I was the exact same way as a kid. I remember falling asleep in a tent of couch cushions several times.... along with a gazillion stuffed animals hahaha. This is definately the first time shes slept there all night long. I like it because its easier to snuggle her. She usually sleeps on the top bunk or the big seventies style chair pulled next to my bed. Either way shes very close, but shes closest this way <3 Shes my baby after all, and I love cuddling her. It sort of makes the whole world feel better.
Shes curled on her back, sort of on her side facing away from me at the moment. I'm going to go snuggle her some more :)
Take care everyone